Food for Thought #1 – At the End of the Day

Yesterday, I was not in a good place mentally and all I could do is focus on that which I lacked. I wrestled with the reality of my existence, like why was I born, a question I ask myself often (a topic for a later entry). I thought about how I’m not good enough and the purposelessness of my of life. I thought about all of my flaws and how much of a failure I am regardless of my efforts.

In the midst of these things swirling around in my head however, a lyric to a song came to me, and I started singing to myself:

At the end of the day, at the end of the day he loves me
At the end of the day, at the end of the day he loves me

The song was familiar to me but I did not know from where, and at the time it did not matter. In that moment I realized, that God knows about all of my pain, insecurities, and inadequacies yet still, he loves me.

So today I decided to look up the song where that lyric came from and it was “You Still Love me”, by Tasha Cobbs. I was listening to it while I was preparing for my day, and as I was, there was another verse that caught my attention, it says the following:

And I don’t mean to be emotional,
but sometimes I cry,
when I think of all the pain, that I cause You inside

And when I heard that verse I thought about all of the pain, anguish, and disdain that I feel towards myself, and I asked myself how does that make God feel? If God created me, put thought into my existence, and allowed so I could be born, to live out a life curated just for me; how does it make Him feel when I do not see in me the same value and worth that He sees?

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